Author: Chand Murad
A hollowness settles in your stomach, weighing you down, swallowing you whole (1). A tightness constricts your chest, binding you in place (1). Then, without warning, you pass by something small—an object on your dresser, a song on the radio, a passing smell, a familiar sight on your walk—and your breath catches. The tightness swells until your stomach feels lodged in your throat. Time slows as you stare, unable to comprehend how life continues without them (1). Everything they loved remains, the time you shared still lingers, yet they aren’t here to go through life with you. You push yourself forward, willing yourself to move on, to keep going. But grief does not simply vanish—it lingers, only reshaping itself over time.
Grief is an all-consuming experience. It is often associated with loss due to death, but its reach extends further. One can grieve even when the person they mourn is alive and well. Whether that's through estrangement, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a version of someone who no longer exists. The symptoms of grief are not merely emotional; they manifest physically, intertwining with the mind’s responses in ways that are both subtle and deadly.
The cardiac impact of psychological stress has long been recognized across cultures, reflected in metaphors and folklore surrounding the “broken heart” (2). From classic literature to pop culture, the idea of a heart “breaking” from extreme stress or loss is universal (2). In medicine, this concept has taken on a literal meaning through "broken heart syndrome," formerly known as tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy or stress cardiomyopathy (2). This condition is a striking example of how emotional suffering can translate into physical symptoms (2). It is triggered by extreme emotional distress—whether it be grief, anger, humiliation, or even overwhelming joy—and can cause temporary heart dysfunction, mimicking the symptoms of a heart attack (2).
The medical community has only recently begun to recognize the deep rooted connection between psychological trauma and its physiological consequences (2). Additionally, Tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy primarily affects postmenopausal women, a demographic often left out of traditional heart disease research (2). This shows a need to broaden the scope of the populations that are the underlying foundation of current medical research, without further testing on more diverse groups we will continue to be ignorant of essential knowledge. Broken heart syndrome has the potential to progress modern cardiology understandings by demonstrating that intense emotional experiences can have sudden, severe cardiac repercussions, independent of blocked arteries or chronic disease (2).
A few years ago, my father lost his distant oldest brother, the day he got the news he took off from work, laid on our carpeted floor and with a sad smile retold stories of his childhood. To my shock, the next day he went back to work without a fuss. He felt like he didn’t have the option to take more time off as “that’s just life.” Severe grief can come from losing anyone in your life, but the loss of a sibling is uniquely devastating. Siblings begin as the co-creators of our earliest memories, while being reliable witnesses to our personal and physical growth. They are whom we believe will remain as our life long accomplices, and for the majority it is an unthinkable reality to exist without them. Unlike the loss of a parent or child, which is more commonly acknowledged as life-altering, the death of a sibling can be overlooked in societal discussions of grief. Yet, the emotional toll is a heavy one. These relationships often span more than decades, making their loss a severance of a shared history, a reminder of our mortality, and, for many, a time where their identity feels altered.
Consequently, in many works of fiction and historical literature loss is presented as the foundation of all strong emotions. In addition, these works explore that love can help shape many facets of identity. Specifically, without the possibility of loss, we would not love, fear, or hate as deeply. While, without love how do we shape who we are without caring for people, places and values. For example, in the Greek myth of Tithonus, Tithonus is a man who was cursed with eternal life but not eternal youth, he begs Aurora, his lover, to grant him immortality (3). But the gods around her had grown jealous of their relationship, so as Aurora’s father granted him his wish the gods cursed him to grow old but never die. Famous Poet, Lord Alfred Tennyson, wrote a poem in which Tithonus loses his joy for life and love for Aurora as he continues to live forever (3). Tithonus says near the end of the poem “Of happy men that have the power to die, And grassy barrows of the happier dead. Release me, and restore me to the ground” (3). This plea encapsulates the tragedy of immortality: the paradox that without the finality of death, there can be no true appreciation of life (3). It is only through loss, through the knowledge that everything is finite, that love becomes a binding blessing that can grow in the most difficult places. Tithonus’ curse is not just that he cannot die, but that he cannot fully live—he is unable to experience the preciousness of time or the sincerity of his relationships, because everything stretches on indefinitely (3). Thus, his personality hollows out over time as a result of his lack of love for life, rendering him an apathetic husk of past joys. Without the threat of loss, nothing can be held close enough to truly matter. An essential truth is that the fragility of our lives gives them meaning. Without the possibility of loss, would we truly know how to love or to feel at all?
However important the possibility of loss, it does not take away from the extremely devastating experience that is severe grief. This kind of grief does not exist in the abstract—it carves itself into the body, disrupting the very functions that sustain life. Moreover, familial loss can come with complex physiological repercussions. For instance, it was found in a study done in Sweden between 1981 to 2002 that people who had lost a sibling had a higher mortality rate than those who hadn’t (4). The emotional shock of losing a sibling can cause a physiological cascade of heightened inflammation, increased blood pressure, and imbalances in stress hormones (4). Sudden or unexpected sibling loss, in particular, amplifies this distress, leaving the surviving sibling in a prolonged state of psychological and physical strain (4). Those already predisposed to heart conditions may find their vulnerabilities exacerbated, while even the otherwise healthy may face newfound health conditions (4).
Additionally, when discussing grief it is important to acknowledge that many suffer from a condition known as prolonged grief disorder, or complicated grief (5). This disorder extends beyond the typical grieving period, leading to persistent and intense symptoms that interfere with daily life (5). People with prolonged grief disorder may struggle with overwhelming sadness, difficulty accepting the loss, and an inability to move forward (5). Moreover, they often experience physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and muscle pain (5). This prolonged state of mourning can have serious health consequences, reinforcing that a nuanced connection exists between grief and the body (5).
It should be noted that grief does not vanish; it evolves, weaving itself into the very fabric of our being. It reminds us that we are not merely vessels of emotion and ambition, but living creatures, bound by both heartache and hope. I think grief proves we have the capacity to love beyond our means. And between remembering and moving forward, we learn that the heart can still beat, and the body can recover, even when the ones we love are no longer by our side.
References
Physical symptoms you may experience if you’re grieving. [Internet]. Marie Curie. 2022. Available from: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/information/grief/physical-symptoms
Efferth T, Banerjee M, Paul NW. Broken heart, tako-tsubo or stress cardiomyopathy? Metaphors, meanings and their medical impact. International Journal of Cardiology. 2017 Mar 1;230:262–8.
Foundation P. Tithonus by Alfred, Lord Tennyson [Internet]. Poetry Foundation. 2021. Available from: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45389/tithonus
Rostila M, Saarela J, Kawachi I. Mortality From Myocardial Infarction After the Death of a Sibling: A Nationwide Follow‐up Study From Sweden. Journal of the American Heart Association. 2013 Mar 12;2(2).
O’Connor MF. Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt. Psychosomatic medicine [Internet]. 2019;81(8):731–8. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6844541/
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